Mes highlights
Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience
We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful
Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Mark
The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.”
Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is “solving.”
negative emotions are a call to action
Whatever makes us happy today will no longer make us happy tomorrow, because our biology always needs something more.
We like the idea that we can feel fulfilled and satisfied with our lives forever. But we cannot.
What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?”
People want to start their own business. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, the insane hours devoted to something that may earn absolutely nothing.
I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love with not the fight but only the victory
The true measurement of self-worth is not how a person feels about her positive experiences, but rather how she feels about her negative experiences.
Being “average” has become the new standard of failure
The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s okay.”
the first layer of the self-awareness onion is a simple understanding of one’s emotions. “This is when I feel happy.” “This makes me feel sad.” “This gives me hope
second layer of the self-awareness onion is an ability to ask why we feel certain emotions.
The third level is our personal values: Why do I consider this to be
success/failure? How am I choosing to measure myself? By what standard am I judging myself and everyone around me?
all the while ignoring important values-based questions: Why do they feel such a need to be rich in the first place? How are they choosing to measure success/failure for themselves?
Honest self-questioning is difficult. It requires asking yourself simple questions that are uncomfortable to answer. In fact, in my experience, the more uncomfortable the answer, the more likely it is to be true.
Research shows that people who focus their energy on superficial pleasures end up more anxious, more emotionally unstable, and more depressed.
nobody makes it through life without collecting a few scars on the way out.
Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth
The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.
If I believe I’m a nice guy, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again.
tangible external goals outside of our control. The pursuit of these goals causes great anxiety.
Their goal is to get back to “feeling good” again as quickly as possible, even if that means substances or deluding themselves or returning to their shitty values. Learn to sustain the pain you’ve chosen.
Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow.
Rejection is an important and crucial life skill
Becker died in 1974. His book The Denial of Death, would win the Pulitzer Prize and become one of the most influential intellectual works of the twentieth century
People declare themselves experts, entrepreneurs, inventors, innovators, mavericks, and coaches without any real-life experience. And they do this not because they actually think they are greater than everybody else; they do it because they feel that they need to be great to be accepted in a world that broadcasts only the extraordinary.
there is nothing to be afraid of. Ever. And reminding myself of my own death repeatedly over the years—